Monday, July 2, 2012

bitter realisation

Dear Diary,

i have come to a stage where i feel like a black hole. i'm empty. days just goes by and i'm becoming less productive, less significant, i'm invisible. there is no passion. nothing that drives me to my most limit. i feel rather suffocated. whatever i do are becoming much much less significant. it gives nothing back! no meaning! no soul! nothing! just plain nothingness!

i want to cried out loud out of pure joy again, not because of the misery that i felt with every nerve that i have. i want to laugh again, the honest laugh, the laugh that i can feel free to burst in that shake all my tendons and bones. i'm sick of being uptight. i'm sick of holding it back!

i'm too tired. i need to get out! to feel that i'm alive again. not like some kind of living figure without a soul. when was all this happened to me? when? why? i don't feel like myself anymore. i'm someone else. someone who is bitter inside. 

owh..i'm good in acting. yes! i know, i'm good. i'm all in the good mood when i'm around people. but this is me...i'm fighting against myself. every single day i'm fighting it - the bitter me. i wish i could figure out what i've been missing. i wish i could run! and hide! to somewhere i can figure out what is wrong with me. i want to get closer to Him. i miss Him. i miss Him....yes, i miss Him.

With Love,


  1. Ah.. i used to feel those emotions. feeling down and need to get out from here, need to go somewhere.

    but somehow, i think, what we feel, that's what we called life, and life has its up and downs... just need to be strong..

    be strong and patient dear.. sometimes, everything happens for reasons. remembers these words, i used it in my life for a long3 time ago n that words that give me strength to continue my life, to breathe again..

  2. thank you reenapple...and yes..i hang on to those words too :')